Compulsive Behavior is Increased by Feelings of Failure and Guilt

Intense feelings of failure and guilt intensify compulsive behavior. To stop compulsive behavior, you need to stop excessive feelings of guilt and failure.

When Edison was criticized for his many failures at making a light bulb, he replied that he had found thousands of ways on how not to make a light bulb. It wasn’t the one success that created the light bulb, but the thousands of failures it took to discover what didn’t work. Every success is achieved by learning from failure.

You will fail. It is part of life. It is inevitable. Are you ready to face failure? Ready to face it not once, but several times? Are you ready to pick yourself up and go on with the battle? Most don’t; they give up when they are at the closest point to success. But everything worthwhile takes time, investment and facing failure. Nothing worth gaining is gained without facing failure. Failure is a doorway. You need to be ready to go through it.
Failure is devastating if you have low self-worth. Parental criticism drove home demeaning messages: “you idiot, you blew it again.” Feeling like a failure, we engage in self-flagellation, beating ourselves up and making endless apologies. We become focused on not failing instead of achieving.

Fear of failure is a terrible motivator. Instead, it will cause failure. When we do fail, it proves to us that we are a failure and we believe it even more. But you are not a failure. Every human makes mistakes. Why should you be any different? Making mistakes proves that you’re not perfect. We learn by our mistakes. They are a part of life.

Guilt Increases Compulsive Behavior

Guilt is anger directed inward, like a shotgun blasting pellets of blame at every part of our character. It screams, “you’re always blowing it.” It reminds you of all your other failures. You beat yourself up because you failed to meet some unrealistic expectation of yourself in a desperate attempt to regain control.

On the other hand, remorse or regret is good. It is good to feel badly about what we have done, see it as wrong, and want to change. Guilt ruins self-worth, but regret leads to change and growth. Guilt reinforces your belief that you are a “bad” person. Regret focuses on the behavior.

Guilt has a powerful effect on our thinking and emotions. When we feel guilty, we become sensitive and defensive. We close off to stop being hurt more. But although we have withdrawn, we have not changed. So guilt is really a cover-up because we never get to the point of feeling bad about what we did and taking responsibility. Guilt allows us to stay the same.

Regret works. Regret a bad choice. See it as a mistake. Become intent never to make that mistake again. You are not a failure because you made a mistake. You have made many good choices in your life. This wasn’t one of them. Feel bad for a few minutes because of the benefits you lost. Grieve the loss quickly, refocus on your goals then move on. Getting enthused about your goals is infinitely more effective than beating yourself up with guilt. The past is the past, but our future is bright in Christ.

Biblical Perspective

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead.
Philippians 3:13

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Tags: fear of failure, guilt, low self-worth, self-flagellation, self-worth